Transforming Bigotry, Hate, and Judgement (In ourselves and others)

Description

Judgement runs powerful in both our personal lives and in our culture. The impacts wreak havoc with both our world and our personal mental/emotional/physical health. Here we talk about transforming these reactions into love-based responses.

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Video Transcription

[Music]

greetings friend somebody asked us to do a video on bigotry on tolerance and why this is a big subject is this this is a powerful powerful force not just in our culture but in our personal lives oh yeah when I hear those words I feel oh you know it brings up a lot of emotions for people we tend to you know if we do harbor judgments we tend to strongly defend those judgments yes and attach our egos to those judgments about other people I feel though in some situations we actually already have a neural pathway burned and so even if we're thinking oh I'd love to change my way of looking at it it's like she follows that pathway yeah it's you know that's maybe a good place to start and I'll say that this video probably has to have two parts the one is gonna be about our judgement of others but also then about what what we do when we are being judged but you know you're speaking to this being very ingrained you know this is in our neural pathways we've been brought up with it we're gonna come back to aliens quite often but you could imagine if the aliens came down you know they could look at us and they might separate us out on any number of traits like people that have big front teeth versus people that don't or people that have a certain color hair or people that are bald or not both and we could look at any train and because our minds are so good at finding patterns we could probably find that people with big teeth they all tend to be like this and people with smaller teeth all tend to be like this and we could start to divide those people up it's a good or bad it's a you know it essentially it comes down to drawing lions and we draw lines with everything even though this is obviously a deeper subject there aren't really lines we put lines around things and we we have to to some degree so we can communicate however in actuality there aren't the lines that we think there are however as we grow up certain ideas that we have oh my gosh yeah you guys they might not even be your ideas because they might be the cultures ideas they might be what your parents believe or even what your parents parents taught them or so your mind and thoughts may not be your own this is where we're talking more broadly about judgment in general judgment owns us yes Minds draw lines they are very very good at it and it's what allows us to group things and to categorize our knowledge a lot of what we have done as human beings is due to that ability for us to draw a lines but lines we can use those lines intelligently and creatively for own good or those lines can use us because we forget that were the line drivers it's like I mean we're most likely those of us that have cell phones are not going to stop using our cell phones however mmm it's the same thing do we use the cell phone or does it use us how much I'll be chained to it it's the same thing with the judgments and it can be judgments about other people and it can be judgment judgements about if the weather's nice you know how I feel that you know I'm I'm doing it as a person there's almost different ways we will make judgments that's what we do it's part of what keeps us going and keeps us knowing that we're safe or not safe is all in the judgment the question is how do we use the judgment what place does it have in our life so if I'm coming along and I see somebody with purple skin and then there's that well-worn path and it says Oh purple skin person smell like grapes okay because in a way I mean we're using these silly examples but in a way it is it's that serious and that silly right we have chosen you know black people white people first of all my skin is now white it's like pink I'm a pinky whitey and I scanned all these little dots on it my skin is very different then your skin and if you look at black skin it comes this whole range of beautiful shades right and there's no really line if you set up a line from black to white on this side there's gonna be a gradient it's not a line like night and day very clear there's night there's day but if you use camp outside if you actually go outside that's that shifts you find where's the line between those there's no clear line and that starts the question then is night and day really is black and white as it seems to be so there's that purple person and I can my mind might have these grooves because these are cultural artifacts we've been trained into this and there's my my judgment it comes out am I going to be owned by that judgment do I believe that judgment what can I see oh yeah there's that that old groove worn in and I can start to draw a new group I love the thought about the awareness I feel like that's key I am having a judgment and it's the same judgment I almost always have and then then there's a choice just noticing it is the first thing maybe you're already too far down the line and you've made the final judgment but what if you pause and you say okay I've made this judgment and now I'm gonna ask myself is this what I believe curious because if you see no alien person with purple skin or what have you and you make that judgment essentially you are making a generalization we've talked about generalization before oh yeah

generalization it can't see clearly it's just like it does this little narrow tunnel vision so what is the truth maybe you've had bad experiences in the past does that make this one purple person the same as all the others and that's where we have to get curious yeah curious that is a life-saving skill out here in the woods right monks taking on challenges you get trapped into generalization get trapped into judgment you no longer see opportunity no longer see what's actually there you're only seeing your imagination the fantasy in your head but when we can look out and we can be curious then the world opens up and that is the fact about every single human on the planet is that they are a storybook and often a pretty interesting storybook any single human that you want to talk to but when I look at a person and I look at their clothing and look at their skin or look at their religion and I make a judgment that they are not worthy of my attention that close that book for myself and I then no longer have access to part of that world yeah I've just entered into Fantasyland all I'm doing is looking at my fantasy I can no longer see reality and I say that this is coming up we often make it so that we only see what we want to see we only believe so if you you see this person that you know let's say and you have this judgment about them that they are selfish they're you know absorbed only in the things that interest them and you notice oh wow it's there by volunteering for whatever causes you might in your mind decide oh well they're just doing that so that they can get attention and everybody will think that they're so special and it's interesting to note and I'm just throwing out there try once and notice how often do we have a judgement or we see something and it's maybe only what we want to see and we don't ask the deeper questions so I think it's almost as we look at this in ourselves it's almost do we want to just live in our own head in our own world and if so what does that bring us if I am sitting at home on my couch hating a a group of people spending a lot of energy just sitting on my hop on my couch hating people right it's definite energy suck yeah and it could not be people it could be like oh I hate this food or I hate this thing that's about to happen to me or all the judgments that we make is it valuable is it a helpful judgement does it need you to feeling healthy to feeling like you're your best self because you get a choice every time you make any kind of judgment you get a choice right maybe you don't get a choice of what the initial pop-up window is pink weep-weep-weep I hate grapefruit however what you decide to do from there if you decide to believe that if you're gonna follow the instructions in that pop-up window that's your choice every single time in a way this is really basic stuff you know our culture has become infantile almost in the sense that it we learn to walk right we learn to spell but often we don't learn one of the most basic things about life and that is that we get to choose our response to a stimulus right and we just take the reactions given to us and we make those into our automatic reactions to stimuli but you me you we all have a choice and we can change that we can change that so that we respond instead of react basic human nature and it's it's life changing when we do it because when we sit there on the couch and we hate we're poisoning ourselves you know not just our mind but we literally you're releasing oh yeah chemicals we are affecting your physiology and are going to be degrading your health I mean that is that is the way the body works you sit and you stew about negative things it is not healthy that's called stress and it's it's as bad as smoking cigarettes constantly all day long he's not good for you so do you want to reframe that's that's the question do you want to pull this up you see boop boop it's happening I'm aware do you want to get curious do you want to reframe what your judgment is do you want to be exploratory because guess what you don't have to change the way you feel if you want to have an idea that grapefruits are awful and all grapefruits suck that's fine you can't necessarily say for certain all grapefruits suck if you don't eat grapefruit you can't necessarily know that that's true however if that's the decision you want to make it is your life and your decision to make yeah but maybe you want to reflect maybe you can say well I tried that grapefruit and that one's not for me today you end up discovering some really good variety of grapefruit that you love yes and it adds to your life so you're right we have this choice and it's up to us but it's good for the world and it's good for us as we step out of that automatic reaction to stimuli it's going to be harder if you're in a group of people who don't want you to be curious or to ask questions or to say well I'm not sure that this is really my actual judgement or belief it may be a lot harder but I would encourage you to still explore to still ask questions

maybe that group of people isn't right for you maybe they all want to be that way too and nor the one that is the spearhead for change there's all sorts of options that things that could happen but remember you have an inner strength in you and no one even has to know if you're asking questions in being curious right away eventually if you do it enough you'll want to make the changes and the changes will become the new automatic popup window yeah that's a good point

continued responses then become our new reactions so you can even form that yeah you know condition yourself groups groups at one point it's powerful you know in that group mind we start to identify ourselves and the group identifies itself with the ideas instead of with the people inside the group and then it becomes a blind following asking questions not being curious stuck wondering mmm is this actually really the truth is this really how I feel and that doesn't you know doesn't matter if it's a you know racial supremacy group if it's a religious group if it's whatever kind of group it is I usually hate grapefruits there's a there's an X you know there's an outside the group and and that's where that judgment I've got to come back to aliens again okay and say that to remember in the end that we we are all from this one planet and sometimes not everybody believes that but well well okay absolutely all the people I have met so far we're here this is us right we're all dwelling on this planet together yeah I mean that in and of itself what a beautiful thing and that's that can be a coming together alright just realizing you you know if you were taken off onto another planet in you know and then you came back to earth you know 30 years later you probably just want to come back you know what if just you could get back to earth anywhere right and see any other human being right

you would be kin with them yeah we're kin with things anyway there's the flip side of this because the reality is there's a lot of people out there who are judging and you know and there's a lot of us you know are the people watching that you're probably coming under the you're probably being judged because all of us usually are it might be because you're a woman it might be because this color of your skin is brown black whatever you call it might be that you game all the time and people think that you're because you game on you're too fat you're too skinny your hair is too long it's too short it's too curly it's too straight it's you know like ad infinitum and usually I feel like you know we want to rail against this you know this isn't me well how can you judge me just based on my hair my clothes or whatever it's gonna be our labels become something we identify with so so first of all we have to look and see are we identifying with the label that sets us apart and thus creating a rift by saying okay I am different than these other human beings and I'm different in such a way because of course we're all different but we can think of that in a positive sense or I can think of that as I'm different and I'm assuming judgment by other people and then I am going to like push against you know this this group and I sense or I feel it's perfect it's setting up conflict and it doesn't have to be people and people it it's anything that we have a relationship with it the judgment isn't open for questions we begin to create a push somewhere within that so I can have a label I put on to myself I can even wear it proudly but the same thing happens if I identify myself with that label it's a lot like looking at somebody's skin and creating a judgement you know I'm not allowing myself to be outside of that what labeling context and then when somebody wants to encounter me as just a fellow human being I want to say no I'm not just fellow human being I am X Y Z can we see how this kind of it can definitely create it it's sets differences and it starts to say we're not all kin our differences are more important than our kinship what if our kinship came first and then we celebrated our differences so what about you feel like you are a nice person you are friendly and open you you're a woman and you're feeling like unfairness in the workplace or were or maybe it truly is actual yo sexual harassment or whatever it's gonna be there's various stuff going on what what can I do if I just sick just I just wanted I do want to be in kinship with everything and that is where I think when we are judged we really have to step up because if if here's the judger and here's the person being judged right news gaming for an example okay and this person says gamers are just like mindless robots and they're emotionally defunct and then here comes this gamer and I say you're just an emotionally defunct gamer and if you almost like what

drew you you don't know anything about it it's like see see it it perpetrates that in the judges mind when we react so the key is that if we're being judged we have we have a really important duty and that is not to accept that judgment right you know I'll just say okay I'm gonna bow down under this but it's not to react back it's to be our best selves and begin to show people by example if those judgments are not correct we're not gonna change the judger by shouting at them and telling them they're wrong we're not gonna change the judge or by hitting them or attacking them we're not gonna change the judger by holding up signs outside their business we're just gonna they're gonna be in there going like see those people I hate them even more and I box them even more speaking out against this is an art form and it's a huge responsibility and it's hard to do because when you're being judged you're in a hurtful place you wanna hide or you want some retribution retribution yeah and yeah it really calls us out to try to walk that path as being our best self incredibly difficult but also very growth oriented and it is not to forget a an example for other people who are experiencing the same instead of shouting and all of the things that we are talking about an example of someone who is informing other people in a way that connects and draws people together anytime you choose that you are giving hope to other people you are setting an example of something a route another person can take and and that I feel like at least for me is extremely rewarding this this is about making real change I mean if we want to make real change in our world it can't be tolerance now we've had you know civil rights movement and we've had some some huge moments that were angry and outspoken and they've made changes in our culture right as far as who can have what job and and more equal pay and not segregated bathrooms and but there's still so much judgement right there's still so much hate because we've been dealing with the symptoms we haven't been dealing with the underlying cause and to change the judger we have to not judge the judger I'm careful when I say this because there are you know there's violence being waged there's sexual harassment and assault by all means then it is time to to not just take this more gentle role right but if I judge the judge er I've put them aside and they cannot be changed they become solid in my mind they are no longer worthy of me trying to positively effect as the person that's being judged it's not fair that the person is being judged has to be put in this raw but but it isn't fair you know that's what the civil rights movement had to be was you know people were viewed as black the put down shut down they had to come up and rice rise up and say hey there's got to be changes now it's not just about black-white sexual preference religion its judgment as a human quality right we've been accepting this in ourselves and then others for so long but it's time to change it it's time to change it cuz we're growing into a world where that judgement it's gonna create havoc that is so overwhelming that we can't recover from it it can I mean just a single act of judgment and other act actions that come from that judgment that circles around the world in an hour and the ripple effect is so much more exponential in the ripple effect can be the opposite side of the coin your choice to look and say oh I'm aware I'm having a judgment or I'm being judged and then deciding I'm gonna respond differently than I always have where I'm gonna examine this and explore this that also has a ripple effect and if more and more of us are doing that we are then you know rippling across each other so can we come together can we start to see each other as kin can we see what judgment does to ourselves see what it does to others and can we start to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery can we emancipate ourselves from these judgments unexamined put into our minds that are owning us what kind of world can we create cuz this is it folks here we are in this planet we have the chance now we have the opportunity to destroy this planet at anytime right in ourselves we probably are more likely to destroy each other and the planet will go on

thankfully they went with the self-destruct button but we we don't have to go that route we have the power like right now all of us good right now make the decision we're gonna come together as Ken we're not gonna be putting each other down anymore all right we're gonna help each other out we're gonna lend hands I'm gonna love each other yeah this opportunity is before us and this is the moment so join us share in the comments your thoughts your ideas now this is kind of more radical stuff and I'm sure it's brought up some emotions for some people but share let's come together I'm not sharing

love to you I'll talk with you soon [Music]